I've been told from my lovely lady that I need to take off my "How to solve problems" hat more often, which is friggin hard I can assure you!! For the simple reason, I have trained myself to look at situations as;
- What's the Issue/problem?
- How can we/I fix it in the best positive manner without carrying any bullshit!?
Well today (back to original story) , a client and I sat down and he talked about "problems" he was experiencing and said, "I enjoy talking to you because you look at it from so many different angles, that I cannot see"!
You know how I solved his problem as a coach? I LISTENED I mean I really listened not just prentended to listen, I didn't get into What/Why/How to fix, I just listened......
The end result was, he felt great to get his "stuff" off his chest and it was enough for him to break the cycle of "issues" he perceived he had!
The morale of my ramblings? My wife to be was right :-)
There is a time and place for everything i.e. to Coach via listening, guiding, telling, showing, kick up the ass and while I've trained myself to be a very good "mature problem solver" (definition of mature = find an outcome that supports everyone and not just the immature ego of thy self!)
I do need to take off my Coaching Hat of How Can we solve this issue more often! Until today, I didn't realize that the skill I trained myself to have What/How had become a double edged sword, meaning while it served me and will continue to serve me EXTREMELY well, it had become too dominate i.e. when ever I heard people telling me their problems, I went straight into Coaching What and How! I didn't know when to turn what/how "on" and "off"!!
I got Coached today :-)
P.S. Having tools in the tool box is great, knowing when to use the right tool at the right time is what's magic!
This lesson reminded me of the book A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. "In the stillness of Presence, you can sense the formless essence in yourself and in the other as one. Knowing the oneness of yourself and the other is true love, true care, true compassion."