Sunday, April 11, 2010

Survival of the Fittest or Die!! Really.....

Charles Poliquin commented on his Facebook fan page and I quote:
"Just finished giving lectures for Fitness First. I like their business model for personal trainers, they encourage a survival of the fittest system, instead of a corporate down the line moronic approach that many of their competitors use."

I have no idea what "corporate moronic approach" he is referring too & I'm not interested!! My issue is with the Survival of the Fittest Model!!

I once believed with all CONVICTION in this model for life, sports, work.... and it has served me well in many instances in life/sport, I can assure you!! Now as a parent, husband, son and any other labels I attach to myself I NO longer adhere to this model, but before I share with you WHY I don't belong to this model I want to share with you HOW I got this "survival of the fittest" mentality to start with. By understanding how I learnt this thinking will help you understand "why" I currently think the model NOW sucks ass & I will do all I can in my being to promote/teach a more mature version of "Survival of the Fittest"!!!

Where it all Began!!!
At a young age I taught myself "how to survive" not because it was imposed upon me from people (although some of it may have), but the big reason was due to my fathers death at age 12!!

When something traumatic happens to you at a vulnerable age (more so as a teenager trying to sort out "stuff" while hormones are playing havoc on ya!) your perception on the world changes...... I mean how are you meant to make sense of your father dying at age 12 let alone as a adult?!!

So as a result of my fathers death & trying to make sense of it through the eyes of a 12yr old, you make representations of "stuff" that can be "right" or "wrong" or just plain DISTORTED! My way of making sense of my fathers death was 2 fold;

1) I took on the "I must be the man of the house now" mentality... After a 2yr period (14yrs old) this really shaped my belief systems about the world & stuff in the world....2 yrs prior I was "playing up"!

2) From the above, I took on a belief of "if I'm to survive emotionally from my fathers death, it must be Survival of the Fittest"!! Harden up Mother F#$%^# & be a "man"....... Show no "pain" because you need to be "tough" on all levels physically, mentally, spiritually & emotionally!! BRING IT ON as I remember my 13+ inner voice would say to me on many many occasions!!

So that's "my story" of how I adopted the Survival of the Fittest belief system in my life & MAKE NO MISTAKE it has served me well AT TIMES, but and here is the biggest BUT!!

What can serve you so well can also make you WEAK!!!

Some of you may think where is the problem with this thinking if it served me so well, I mean it was my "saving grace" after all!!

The flip side to Charles preferred model of Survival of the Fittest, is that we are creating a bigger gap between people of "rich" vs "poor" or "strong" vs "weak" in the world!!

Some people (as I did) once justified this thinking with, "I choose to get off my ass and make something of myself & they don't, so F#$% them, they are "weak" and I CHOOSE to be strong!!!"

Fair argument, however do you see that this thought process extends a gap between humanity that is already getting wider and wider each year of rich vs poor or strong vs weak?!?

There's no room for COMPASSION in this thinking & this is WHAT we need more of in this world that is getting wider & divided by the day!!

At What Cost do You Stop Before You Are the Strongest?

This question is a personal thing that I would ask at times, but more often then not answered in a self serving way to "protect" me which really meant to protect my lack of emotionally stability!!

Here's my Model for a MORE MATURED Approach to Charles Poliquin's Survival of the Fittest!!!

A More Matured Approach to Survival of the Fittest:

  1. Understand the Difference between Immature Ego & Mature Ego we all have both!
    E.g. Immature Ego says "win at all costs without any respect to me or YOU!!"...
    Mature Ego asks "what is the cost of me winning & am I prepared to risk it?"

  2. Ask yourself, where does this belief come from?
    I'll admit this is a hard one to achieve because most of us, don't know we are "this way" because it's coming from the unconscious mind!! However, simply questioning yourself is a great place to start!

  3. Understand that most men come from a Immature Ego but tell us, they are here to "serve us"....
    E.g. Poliquin tells us from the statement above that he has a belief system of "win at all costs", some people may not have a issue with this, fair enough! BUT how content are you if your child, mother, sister are on the receiving end of the Strongest i.e. Weakest, would you be so "cool" with that?
    Would you "sell" them out to be the Strongest?
I'm sure there are many other ways to explore the more matured way of Survival of the Fittest & it doesn't start with big issues, check the vocab people or yourself that tells you your heading into "survival mode"...

Defining Yourself By More then Just Winning....

Here's my recommendations for expanding your mindset of what I have talked about by Men that have seen more then you or I reading this story!!

1) Measure of a Man
A Spiritual Autobiography by

2) Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman
This has to be the first book to "change" my outlook from a Warrior who was Survival of the Fittest to accepting their is a more Peaceful (Matured) Warrior Way!! Thanks Dan!!

Final Thoughts......
The world will define you by your materials BUT your kids/family will define you by LOVE & Maturing your Ego is a long life process (or so I think so) like life it's a journey NOT a destination!!

Have fun with this new way of looking at Surviving in the world, don't "cop out" of winning just explore what winning REALLY is!!

We all must go through developmental stages in this "Survival of the Fittest Mentality"... I know I have and still am transitioning my perception of how I manage and label this mindset!! In all honesty, it still is in me to be the winner at all costs & like you I need to be "checked", so make sure you have people around you to "check" you when it comes :-)

Kia Kaha = Be Strong because you need to be "strong" to stand on this Matured Approach to Survival of the Fittest!!

Spida Hunter

P.S. I don't regret adopting my early belief of "Survival" & I have NO regrets about what God had in place for me in my father dying!

You Make the Most of What You Got, PERIOD!!

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Daniel Munday said...

Thought inspiring mate - your best blog post for sure.

I can learn a lot from you and I know a lot of others will too.

I personally believe that we learn the most about ourselves and life from our response to situations good and bad.

thanks Spida

Catherine said...

This is cool.

I am so fond of you because of many reasons - but a big one is that you are prepared to see that your so-called weaknesses are a strength and your so-called strengths are a weakness.

Life isnt black and white.

Sometimes those things that you trained yourself into thinking were strengths are, in fact, strengths. Just not all the time - just not most of the time.

You are a good man Spida.

Anonymous said...

Excellent Bro. You are like a wise old Cheif, but you have a flatter widder nose. I praise your efforts of thought to pen and try to ride the same horse through life mate. Cheers, Steve Roberts

Spida said...

Thanks Daniel & I too believe the same with learn the most about ourselves!!

Spida said...

My man Steve, thanks for dropping by brother, wise old chief with a wider flatter nose.... I missed the nose look but I'll take the chief complament :-)

Spida said...

Catherine, we have talked at great depths that life is not black/white....

Thanks for emailing!

Brendon said...

Hi Mate,

Read your writings "Survival of the Fittest" and was moved to respond.

An excellent article that I think depicts the caliber of the Man. The

Well written, well thought out, powerful and from the heart.
Congrats for having the guts to say what you believe in and not just follow
along with the other sheep.

Proud to know you and be accepted by you and call you a close friend.

maria said...

Well written Spida and most of all congratulations on your mature warrior outlook, we who have experienced pain and suffering are the survivors it just takes alittle longer to get back to being the fittest.
Cheers for your insights

Spida said...

Thanks for your comments Maria & yes it does take a little longer to be the fittest :-)

Roundballnz said...

Hey Spida,

Great post there, not only in the message but in the personal stuff there - as you know kiwi blokes don't do that well ....

Embrace the grey in life, there is no black or white, our ability to embrace change is what makes us who we are today & what we will become tomorrow